


Suicide, However

by AnotherGallavichLove



Series: Prompts [9]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Getting Back Together, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide Attempt, post 5x12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-12 19:11:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4491351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherGallavichLove/pseuds/AnotherGallavichLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on this prompt: Could you please do one where Ian after the break up try to hurt himself and all he wants is Mickey so all the Gallaghers (Ian included), Kevin and Veronica beg Mickey to get back together with Ian</p>
            </blockquote>





	Suicide, However

_Dear whoever ends up reading this._

 

_Sorry I’m leaving like this, but I don’t have any other options left._

 

_I’m not happy, or empty, and that’s the problem._

 

_Everything is just too much and I can’t take it anymore._

 

_I know that I’m sick, and that I should just shut up and deal with that, but I can’t._

 

_I’m not getting anywhere, and the only decisions I end up making seem to mess my life up even more._

 

_I’m not happy and I’m not making anybody else happy, so what’s left?_

 

_Before all of this happened, I was the one in the background, the good brother._

 

_I’d love to go back and be that person again but I can’t. That’s not who I am anymore._

 

_Sure, some of the things I have done since I got sick has been good for the people around me._

 

_I have tried hard to make my family happy and sometimes it worked out._

 

_Suicide, however - not very brotherly of me._

 

_I understand that anyone who would have had the slightest clue how I’ve felt for the past few weeks would have tried to stop me from doing this, but I don’t want that._

 

_I want this._

 

_This is what I need._

 

_Sure, I could go back on the meds and try to fix things with whoever I’ve hurt, but in the end there would still be one enemy that I will never be able to escape._

 

_Me._

 

_Goodbye._

 

Mickey put the note down on the Gallagher kitchen table and looked out into the dark, empty house.

 

”Fuck”

 

 

Ian took another step, getting closer and closer to the edge.

 

To release.

 

Freedom.

 

He found himself thinking how similar this feeling was to fucking Mickey, but he quickly forced himself to push the thoughts out of his head.

 

Ian was about to leap when there was a disturbance from behind him.

 

”Gallagher, what the fuck are you doing?”

 

”Mickey, go away”

 

Ian didn’t need to turn around to confirm that he was really there.

 

”Back up” Mickey demanded, walking closer if the sound of his voice was any indication.

 

”I said. Go. Away” Ian said, taking a breath between the words.

 

”Ian, please”

 

”How did you even know where I was?”

 

”Found your note. I remember you told me that if you ever were to kill yourself you would jump from the place that caused you the most pain. I figure this old building was a safe bet”

 

”You weren’t supposed to find that” Ian said, still not turning around or backing up.

 

”Who the fuck was then, huh? Fiona? Lip? _Debbie?_ ”

 

Ian didn’t make a move to answer so Mickey opened his mouth again.

 

”Would you at least look at me?”

 

They both choked on their breaths when they realized how similar this was to _that time_.

 

It worked, though. Ian turned around to look at his ex boyfriend.

 

”Would you walk away from the edge, please? You’re scaring me”

 

”So?”

 

”Please”

 

The word sounded so similar to another word Mickey had once uttered.

 

_”Don’t”_

 

Ian took a couple of steps forwards, away from the edge and Mickey couldn’t help but wrap his arms around him, even though Ian made no move what so ever to return the embrace.

 

They walked back to the Gallagher house side by side, not saying a single word to each other.

 

When they entered the house, Fiona, Debbie and Lip practically tackled their brother.

 

”Ian, what the fuck!?”

 

”You’re alive!”

 

”We found the note, we were so scared!”

 

Lip and Debbie soon took Ian upstairs and Fiona stepped closer to Mickey, lowering her voice so that no one else would hear.

 

”Where was he?” Mickey shook his head.

 

”He’s alive, is what matters” Mickey said, struggling to keep his tears in for what felt like the billionth time that night.

 

”He’s not doing so great without you, Mickey”

 

Mickey was quiet for a while before finally nodding.

 

”Yeah, well…”

 

He didn’t say anything else.

 

He didn’t know what the fuck to say.

 

”Think you two will ever happen again?”

 

”No” Mickey said, obviously quicker than Fiona would have liked. ”Been there, done that. So has he. Wouldn’t do any of us any fucking good”

 

Mickey left the Gallagher place pretty soon after that, still trying to melt all the shit that had gone down.

 

 

He was awoken the next day by a heavy knock on the front door and since he was the only one currently living in the Milkovich house except for Iggy who was god knows where, he was forced to get up and answer it.

 

”The fuck you doing here, Phillip?” Lip ignored the use of his full name and marched inside.

 

”You need to get back together with Ian”

 

”Nah, look. I already told your sister - ”

 

”I know what you told Fiona, unlike yours our family actually talks to each other”

 

Mickey decided to push down the urge to drop a comment about how they had no idea their little brother was suicidal.

 

He had a feeling that may not go over too well.

 

”Ian is miserable”

 

”I get it, alright? But I can’t just fucking drop everything and play house with your brother just because you want me to” 

 

”Drop everything? Tell me you haven’t felt terrible since you broke up”

 

As much as Mickey wanted to, he couldn’t.

 

”See?”

 

”That doesn’t mean it would be a good fucking idea to just get back together. Besides, Ian was the one who dumped me, remember? Not the other fucking way around. Get out of my house, Gallagher”

 

Mickey hated himself for using the name on anyone but Ian, but the forced himself to push the feeling down as Lip slammed the front door behind him.

 

Mickey decided to go to the Alibi to have a drink but it turned out not to be the brightest idea he’d ever had.

 

”You back together with Ian yet?” Mickey rolled his eyes as Kev poured his drink.

 

”Kevin, leave him alone” Veronica called from the other end of the bar.

 

”You know, I see you and my son as sort of a work of art, hm? All good and then…” Frank knocked back a shot, soon to drunk to remember what he was on about, not that Mickey was listening to begin with.

 

”But seriously, honey. What happened, really?” Veronica asked, suddenly in front of him.

 

”Don’t fucking honey me. It ended, that’s that”

 

”Why don’t you get back together?”

 

”Holy fuck!” Mickey exclaimed, chugging the last of his beer and walking out of the bar, he couldn’t fucking take this anymore.

 

About an hour later, he was lounging on his bed and his phone buzzed.

 

Obviously it was Ian because it didn’t seem like he could even get half a second of peace to himself.

 

 **Ian:** _I heard from Fiona that everyone’s been nagging you to get back together with me. Don’t worry about it, I told them it would never happen. Besides, it’s not fair, it was all my fault anyway._

 

Mickey didn’t have a chance to think it over before his fingers were moving over the keyboard.

 

 **Mickey:** _We seriously having one of those lame it was all my fault fights?_

 

 **Ian:** _No. You have those when you’re getting back together._

 

 **Mickey:** _You okay, Gallagher?_

 

 **Ian:** _Peachy_

 

 **Mickey:** _You really fucking freaked me out_

 

**Ian:** _I know_

 

**Ian:** _I’m sorry_

 

 **Mickey:** _Come over_

 

 **Ian:** _Really?_

 

 **Mickey:** _Please_

 

 **Ian:** _Be there in five_

 

 

When Ian knocked on the front door, they walked past the Milkovich brothers on the couch and into Mickey’s room without a word.

 

Mickey wanted this to be a private conversation.

 

”I’m sorry” Ian said once Mickey had closed the door. ”That you were the one who had to find me”

 

”It’s okay” Mickey said honestly. ”I’m always gonna find you, Gallagher. Don’t matter if we’re together or not” Ian nodded.

 

”You meant it, didn’t you? When you said we were never getting back together”

 

Mickey let out a chuckle, but it was just because he was tired, not because he found any of this the slightest bit funny.

 

He sat down on the edge of the bed and used the heels of his palms to rub his eyes.

 

”I love you” He finally said, fighting back the tears.

 

He didn’t know of another way to express all the emotions running through his body at the moment.

 

Ian sank down on his knees between Mickey’s thighs and pulled his hands away from his face.

 

”I love you” Mickey repeated. ”Fuck, I’ve been trying to…” He trailed off, shaking his head. ”But I can’t”

 

The tears were streaming down both of their faces now.

 

”I just… I try to forget about it and stay strong or however the fuck that quote goes, but I thought you were gonna be gone, and all I could think about was not spending enough time with you. Wasting time fighting this… us, and I just… I couldn’t imagine…”

 

Mickey had never been this open with anybody, ever. It was as if everything was just spewing out of him, and Ian seemed like he wanted to hear it.

 

”I just… I love you” Mickey finished and Ian stood up, pulling Mickey with him, wrapping his arms tightly around him as they both kept crying, Mickey’s head safely tucked into the crook of Ian’s neck.

 

”I’m so sorry” Ian spoke with a tired and raspy voice. ”I’m so, so sorry, baby”

 

For once, all Mickey could feel at the nickname was comfort, an unspoken promise.

 

”I’m so sorry, baby” Ian whispered the words over and over until they both were all cried out.

 

They stood quietly, still holding each other.

 

”I love you” Ian whispered quietly. ”I never wanna hurt you again”

 

Mickey lifted his head out of the crook of Ian’s neck and leaned their foreheads together.

 

”I love you” Mickey said and Ian nodded lightly.

 

”I’m so so sorry, Mick. Never again”

 

Mickey knew he wasn’t just talking about last night, but every single time he’d hurt him since they had gotten together.

 

”Never again” Mickey agreed and their lips met, it was more of a nudge than a kiss, but it was perfect.

 

”I love you so fucking much”

 

”I love you”

**Author's Note:**

> I have been suicidal and depressed myself. Think before you comment, you can never have any clue what so ever what somebody has gone through. Insulting them or their writing will never benefit you. 
> 
> I would also like to add that the only thing you will accomplish if you keep commenting these things is to have your comment deleted. This is a prompt and I will always write prompts, it's not my problem if people get butt hurt, honestly. Just don't read it. I won't delete this just because people over react and get hurt, because I have been through the same thing and I wouldn't get hurt by reading this.


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